The Essence of Presence

As an adolescent, I often found a natural area to sit at and listened intently to the sounds around me. Soon, behind the sounds and the silence of Nature, I could hear a "hum" about the world, which I later related to the Hindu sound "OM," and to the verse in the Bible where the voice of Yahweh is described as a "murmur." (I Kings). Today I call this sound the creative Word of the Goddess Sophia and bow to Him as my Father.

This murmur was saturated in a stillness that was beyond description. I call this stillness Sophia and experience Her as Presence. I could never point to Presence and say, "She is here." She was always non-locatable. Hence, She was always here. This is why I think the term nowhere is differentially marked as now-here. What appears as not is.

I could never ascribe a size to Presence. She seemed to me to be smaller than a period on a page. Yet, She was of such immensity that an entire exploding universe, in comparison, was less than a mere pinprick. Though this Presence seemed to have no traits such as size, She appeared to envelop universes without end.

I often knew, deep down, that I could be crushed in the immensity of Presence. Yet, Her love kept me in Her heart throughout timeless eternity. Though I felt myself as separate from Her, deep inside I knew we were a unity and that my separateness was a temporary insanity on my part.

Presence did not reveal Herself only when I was in a natural area. On more than one occasion I woke up after dreaming and felt Her hovering above me. Soon after the dream, She would silently disappear. Yet, Her love lingered and I knew it was always with me. It was my perceptions that created a duality between She and me and I knew it deep down. I also knew She had been the power in me that created the dream and is today the power that is creating these words.

The more I love Sophia the more I disappear. The vulvas of women mirror mouths and reflect the birthing and devouring powers of Sophia. The same Woman from whom I flow is the one in which I return. Hence the Greek Goddess is Mother and Fate. It is interesting that the term sacrifice means to make whole. When I die to Sophia and allow myself to be on Her dinner plate, I become a unity with Her. It is in this death that I find my eternity.

7 Dec 2002

Your head arises,
O' Mother - Father of my Ground
Exploring the depths of the Soul,
You are the Lini lingam of Sophie
Then, with mouth wide open,
You devour me whole, head first,
as Kunda, Cunta, Cunt

You explore this torso
With your fiery, flickering tongue, O' Lord
Slithering your way
Into this mindless ecstasy.

Dancing naked,
Flames of passion arise,
I am your Woman,
Revealing herself to you,
For your lusty pleasures.

O' flicker that tongue of yours,
Kundalini.
I sacrifice this ego of mine
To become no more.

Mother hisses and bites,
Nothing remains but Her,
There, in this naught,
There is the infinite whole,
Sapientia the Serpentine
Otherwise known as the Devouress in Love.

12 Dec 2003